Untitled, Drunk

Not quite sure what to do with this one... I wrote it this morning and I like the concept and its brevity, but something doesn't feel quite right. Any feedback at all would help. Thanks, guys! And no, I wasn't drunk when I wrote it. haha


Untitled, Drunk

Barefoot, pedaling faster, he feels alive in the salty midnight air. He is drunk and riding his bike away from the bar to the only place he feels secure: the beach. It’s not like anything he’s ever experienced. He shivers exactly the same way he does when he hears music. Pins and needles, dulled and rounded, rush up his spine, directly into the vertebrates of his neck. Pedaling even faster, he wishes he could control the handlebars of his bicycle more closely but he is distracted by his impaired thoughts of the shuddering bounce the music now in his head is giving him. It’s a feeling he can’t describe to anyone. Not even the headlights swerving from the lane coming at him. He tries to avoid them by shifting his weight, making the bike turn a sharp right. Fortunately for him, the car sees the reflectors on his pedals and corrects itself back into its lane in plenty of time. However, the sharp right he took to avoid the vehicle caused him to smash directly into the back of a car parallel parked on the side of the road. He is launched over his handlebars, over the roof of the sedan, straight onto its hood. As he straightens himself back to his feet, he takes detail in the damage done to the car. The rear bumper is dented from the bicycle, but he doesn’t notice this at first. He first notices the dent in the hood left by his, now bleeding, forehead. It doesn’t worry him. He looks at his bicycle. The front tire is bent into an oval unable to ride. He becomes upset in his drunken state. But quickly, the dulled pins and needles spread throughout his body, calming him. He picks up his bike and starts walking, still in the direction of the beach. Music resumes its volume in his mind. And he misses the salty breeze blowing through his hair.

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Currently listening to: Death From Above 1979, 'You're A Woman, I'm A Machine'